The day I married Cody and repeated "Until death do us part" I didn't once think that would be what separated us. I knew and was ready to be apart because of Cody being on duty for 24 hours, having to do two week field ops every month, go and train at CAX for a month and fight in Afghanistan for seven. I was completely oblivious to the thought that we wouldn't have lots of babies, and grow old together.
I know in my last post I talked about not knowing if I could handle going to homecoming. I went back and forth, back and forth. And in the end I went. I knew in my heart that Cody wanted me there to welcome home the marines that he loved and in the end died for. I was so nervous driving onto Lejeune. I kept thinking "What if I can't handle this, What if the guys don't want me there, What if I regret this, What if...". Why do those two little words make you second guess everything? I calmed my nerves by talking to Chrissy (one of my favorite wids). I don't know if I would have gone through with it if it wasn't for her reassuring me that I was doing what I knew to be right. I couldn't be more proud of myself for going.
After I left I felt like an idiot for all the what ifs. When I saw Cody's plt. they hugged me so tight, and I cried with each one as they whispered how sorry they were. Let me say there is nothing more humbling than seeing a marine cry over a "fallen" (I hate that word) brother. They thanked me for coming and told me it meant a lot because they knew it wasn't easy. I have such a peace being around those guys. As strange as it may sound, I can feel Cody through them. I've always felt that he was with me, there hasn't been a second that I've felt alone even though I am, but being around the marines that Cody spent his last three months with, the feeling is intensified.
Going to homecoming was heartbreaking, but it's what I needed. I needed to make myself see that Cody wasn't coming home, that there would never be a knock on my door to tell me that this has been a huge mistake and that he's ok, but that he was one of the seventeen marines that didn't make it back. Cody deployed to Afghanistan willing to give his life for his country, and he had complete peace about it. He was ok with the fact that he could die fighting for you, because it's what he was called to do(those were his words). I'll never know anyone as brave or as selfless.
My husband is a Hero.